2020 Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
2020 January Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
The Grudge (2020)
Director Nicolas Pesce
How many times do we visit 44 Reyburn Drive? Let’s just say it’s a lot. And everyone dies. The end. Meanwhile, back at the spew, Detective Muldoon visits the house and has some dead goop wiped on her hands by Faith, who has some issues cutting off her fingers. True story.
The Detective eventually makes it outside and barfs out whatever sanity is left inside her. The true curse of the movie - for all the detail of dead goop, the spew goop is forgotten.
Rating: 1 Heave
A Hidden Life (2019)
Director Terrence Malick
Sprechen Verbotin is the underlying message. As resisters walk the yard speechless the Nazis watch every move. One resister decides to make a little noise in the corner. A subdued hurl and we all hope some landed on the shoes of the nearby Nazi.
Rating: 3 Heaves
1917 (2019)
Director Sam Mendes
There are lots of reasons to lose your cookies in this film: bloated horses, decaying humans, crawling over dead floating carcasses, sliding into the muddy crater of dead people, stumbling as your arm plunges into the gut of yet another rotting soldier, or sprinting across No Man’s Land and the implied stench of total death everywhere you look. Seriously puke worthy events. And let's not forget the hundreds of thousands living stanky soldiers all around you. But no, our spew story leads us to the drunk German Nazi puking in the street in a town where everyone fears him.
Rating: Dry Heave
Doolittle (2020)
Director Stephen Gaghan
Epic journey across the seas to mythical islands searching for a fruit tree that will save the queen, surely there will be puking! Dr. Doolittle seems to have a touch of motion sickness early in the journey and does a brief wind up of pre-puke. However, he rushes off screen to finish the deed and his motion sickness becomes a thing of the past, never to be mentioned again.
Rating: Dry Heave
2020 February Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
The Turning (2020)
Director Floria Sigismondi
This movie was so forgettable it took me a moment to remember why it made the blog. Ah yes, poor Miss Jessel, hiding under the bed afraid of something that I cannot even remember. Giving a heave, then……. I got nothing for you here. This movie sucked.
Rating: Dry Heave
The Rhythm Section (2020)
Director Reed Morano
Lisa transitions from a lost addict and prostitute to Stephanie, a focused and inept assassin, which makes her want to puke. The puke scene made no sense and added no depth to the story. Stephanie gets her ass kicked throughout the movie, not a single hurl. I felt a little nauseous after the ridiculous amount of close ups of Lisa/Stephanie.
Rating: Dry Heave
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Director Oz Perkins
Holda wants Gretel snug and asleep in her room, offering a tasty homemade sleep potion. Gretel has other plans and yokes out the sleep potion, venturing to the underbelly of the cottage to find out how the Shepherd’s Pie is made. Turns out it is non vegetarian, just as the Brothers Grimm recorded. Casting your children into the woods to fend for themselves, and a little cannibalism, has added to Gretel’s coping skills. She wins The Great Bake Off Championship.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Panga (2020)
Director Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari
Usually films from India do not include a good barf. This one has two.
The first hurl happens early in the movie. Adi has the stomach the size of an ant, but eats like an elephant. There’s going to be some overflow. In this case it was pizza.
Jaya does the obligatory pregnant barf. Not relegated to a dark or dingy bathroom, she instead pregger pukes in the bright white sink on the bright colorful patio on a bright sunny day, true Indian style.
Rating: 3 Heaves
The Last Full Measure (2020)
Director Todd Robinson
Jimmy has some Whup Ass in his gut and is achin’ to kill in the jungle of Vietnam. His dream came true and as he admired his kill, the dead body oozed out parts on the jungle floor. Jimmy’s Whup Ass came spewing out of his gut in a fantastic ground up camera angle. Army ration chunks look the same going into the body as they do coming out. In case you were wondering.
Rating: Full Spew
2020 March Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
Beanpole (2020)
Director Kantemir Balagov
This movie…dear lord this movie. I first thought Beanpole might be a transgender woman in the ruins of post WWII Leningrad. Then, I saw her naked. So what IS this movie? Some people walked out of the theater. Do NOT WALK OUT. This was one of the few pre- COVID19 movies I saw in the theater in March. It is so worthy to see in the theater post our own virus devastation. Iya and Masha are intriguing beyond words.
And, Masha wants a baby. Seems Iya smothered her first baby and now owes her a second baby. So, Iya very reluctantly complies. I mean squirm in your seat and look away uncomfortably and reluctantly complies. There is the obligatory 1st trimester puke that is so relevant to this story. The ups and downs of emotions in this very violent and unpredictable time is played out as Iya pukes in a bucket, mortified to learn she is pregnant, while Masha is beyond elated.
Best surprise in a long time. See this movie.
Rating: Full Spew
The Hunt (2020)
Director Craig Zobel
Eating powdered donuts in an Arkansas gas station. Seems so plain vanilla. We’ve all done this. The issue I have with this scene….hang in there with me…..is the Animal Farm focus of the story. What I remember about this tale by George Orwell is Snowball. Yes, the pig, who is also a character in this movie.
Given the over the top nature of this movie, I felt the director lost an opportunity. I remember eating Snowballs bought from a gas station. Anyone? Anyone with me on this? Maybe some jerky? But definitely Snowballs.
Poisoned Snowballs were the better choice in this case of the lead in to the puke, not poisoned powdered donuts.
Rating: 1 Heave
COVID 19 hit our community and theaters shuttered their doors. The following movies for March (and am guessing April, May, June) will be from my beloved TV and Netflix. Let’s get this party started:
Before I Go To Sleep (2014)
Director Rowan Joffe’
Christine, Claire, Adam, Ben…..can I wake up tomorrow and forget seeing this movie yesterday? This movie has one of the very forgettable “I’m pregnant” pukes that we have come to expect in this blog. A quick scene of Christine hunched over a toilet…but none of the audio or visual effects that go with a good pregnant hurl. I recall an earlier movie with Nicole Kidman reviewed in this blog last year that has a similar lack of commitment (Ben is Back). Maybe puking is out of her range?
The scene quickly cuts away, hair, makeup intact.
Rating: Dry Heave
2020 April Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave.
As the world continues sheltering in place, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Shaft (2019)
Director Tim Story
Rule #3, never throw up on a hot girl. This sage advice needs to be added to Daddy Shaft’s list of rules and then passed down to Baby Shaft after he fails miserably in his efforts to dance like a Brazilian. He put a new meaning to Turn it up Tuesday as the spew took center stage on the dance floor, had a nice arc, and hit its mark.
Rating: 3 Heaves
The Girl in the Spider’s Web (2018)
Director Fede Alvarez
The scene of Lisbeth leaping into a tub of water to escape certain death after her flat is torched….wow….so good. While I am sheltering in place and looking for things to do, I decided to try this super cool move. It is official; I should not do my own stunts.
Like Lisbeth, I had a bit of a spew as I regained focus.
Rating: 2 Heaves
The Laundromat (2019)
Director Steven Soderbergh
Young Simone comes home to find her Dad schtupping her roommate. Simone is very upset by this, as evidenced by her hurl. There are 3 stories within this movie. The other 2 involve drowning and poisoning, but no barfing. I guess sex won the coin toss as the most upsetting to witness. Now you know.
Rating: Dry Heave
2020 May Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the world continues navigating the pandemic, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Upgrade (2018)
Director Leigh Whannell
It’s no surprise that the creator of Saw and Insidious has another tale to tell that involves barfing. This one has 2 spews and both align well with the body-horror gore this movie delivers. The first occurs when Grey spews some icky goo upon receiving his STEM chip. Transitioning from a quadriplegic to an AI induced specimen of strength and agility is cause for an upset tummy. The second is full on Saw and involves cutting someone’s mouth in half. Truly jaw dropping and gross.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Where the Money Is (2000)
Director Marek Kanievska
Carol is introduced as a thrill seeker. Spooning her boyfriend while he is driving and careening toward the inevitable accident. Carol laughing and schtupping all the way. Years later, working in a care center, she is fairly nonchalant in executing her plan to push a stroke victim and his wheel chair into the river below.
It is robbing a bank later in the movie that makes her queasy. We hear her, in the distance, exiting the get-away car for a little projectile vomiting. Blech.
Rating: Dry Heave
Mean Girls (2004)
Director Mark Waters
Teenagers have many urges, such as throwing parties when their parents are out of town, taking their clothes off and touching each other. Not to mention having “word vomits” that turn into real vomits. All of which enhance this classic movie about Geeks and Queen Bees.
“Well this has been sufficiently awkward.”
“You will get chlamydia and die.”
Rating: 3 Heaves
2020 June Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country continues sheltering in place, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Slaughter House Rulez (2018)
Director Crispian Mills
Young men’s balls are being anointed at a swanky private school hazing event while a subterranean creature lurks, killing, chewing, and overall party pooping. A Greek clad student does a quick spew, but there is no reference to tie it into the movie. We can guess it to be the result of overindulgence, or perhaps he was having his balls buttered. We’ll never know.
Rating: Dry Heave
Florida Project (2017)
Director Sean Baker
This makes no sense, at all, the heave, not the movie. It is poorly placed, is not funny, gross or relevant. Too bad the scene wasn’t written for Moonee. That kid would’ve nailed it!
Watch this movie. You might get some ideas for activities to do while you are sheltering in place. Or, begin to wonder where your kids are.
Rating: Dry Heave
The Other Guys (2010)
Director Adam McKay
Allen “Gator” Gamble is an enigma wrapped in an anomaly. He also wants to bust the ass off the Federal Reserve. But first, a night of serious drinking. So, naturally, there is a puke scene, which is weirdly out of sight and into a wastebasket.
Who’s wearing the big boy pants now Will Ferrell?
Rating: 1 Heave.
2020 July Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country continues sheltering in place and social distancing, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Harriett (2019)
Director Kasi Lemmons
Any movie involving the Civil War and slavery should include puking. Weird shit happened as people tried to claim and keep their freedom. Harriett escapes her slave owner and there are some seriously gut-wrenching moments leading up to her yoking it all out in the river.
Other puke scenes occur in the movie as it tells the tale of how inhumane a person can be to another. Throughout it all, we root “Go Harriett” and cheer for the bravery, the puking, and the continuing on against all odds.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Closed Circuit (2013)
Director John Crowley
Personally, I know a few public defenders (called “Special Advocates” in this movie) and I venture to guess some of their clients have also barfed upon meeting them. Of course the heroin withdraw and prison drugs may have contributed to this particular hurl.
Nah - I am sticking with meeting the Special Advocate.
Rating: 2 Heaves
The Switch (2010)
Director Josh Gordon, Will Speck
With a little help from Diane Sawyer, Wally hijacked the “offering” of seed at Kassie’s Impregnation Party. He then proceeded to get inebriated. The next day, during the walk of shame, he hurls in a garbage can, full face all in with a great spit finish.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Limitless (2011)
Director Neil Burger
Eddie is in a writer’s slump and an overall mind body slump. A bit beyond the average 3 p.m. slump. Rather than staying hydrated, eating a healthy afternoon snack, or getting a B Vitamin boost, Eddie takes a powerful drug. He then gets addicted to the mysterious powerful drug. This, of course, leads to “time skips” when he naturally sleeps with random people.
Seems one of his Randoms has been murdered during the “time skip” and Eddie ralphs upon seeing the news story.
WTF Bradley Cooper!
Rating: Dry Heave
2020 August Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country begins peeking out of their homes, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Killing Gunther (2017)
Director Taran Killam
The killing team is summonsed and includes lots of talent in areas such as explosives, poisons and psychosis. Puking is mandatory in the quest to find and kill Gunther. And it happens once, twice, three times (puking AND killing Gunther). You know you are in for a sketchy puke menu when the poison expert hurls at the first team meeting when a teammate cuts his finger. The second puke projectile was executed with employee of the month conviction but proves pointless to the story. A third hurl graces the screen but is wasted and comes across as an afterthought involving snakes, explosives and cars. This all would play better as an SNL skit.
Rating: 1 Heave
Paddleton (2019)
Director Alex Lehmann
This movie consists of two dudes hanging out doing mundane dude things, including puking. They wretched together in life. The hurl ties them together and aligns well with the storyline. It would be easy to relate it to cancer and life ending medicine, but the hurl is about friendship between 2 kung fu movie loving dudes.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Narc (2003)
Director Joe Carnahan
“Rub-a-dub dead mother fucker in the tub” is all you really need to know about this scene.
Rating: 3 Heaves
2020 September Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country continues to slowly emerge from their homes, my blog is fueled by movies seen on TV or Netflix.
Erased (2012)
Director Philipp Stolzl
Another estranged daughter puking in the icky public toilet. Why don’t people just puke in the woods or by the side of the road? Would you choose the disgusting toilet and floor? Tiring. Typical adolescent angst. Her father kills people for a living, has a murderous employer looking to downsize, and the daughter makes all the woes about herself. The narcissism of youth.
Rating: Dry Heave
Three Christs (2019)
Director Jon Avnet
Becky (with the good hair) decides to LSD her way through the 3 Jesus’ concert, yoking at the right moment. Great set up and execution. An unexpected delight in a movie about schizophrenia. Onward Christian Soldiers!
Rating: 3 Heaves
POMS (2019)
Director Zara Hayes
The puke happens in a retirement community. Martha has a built-in reason to rid herself of poison. Yes, cancer. The go-to puke-o-meter that does not disappoint in its detection of the obligatory barf. The heave is done with typical Diane Keaton finesse, clean, turtleneck in place, and a legit finishing spit. Yawn.
Rating: 1 Heave
2020 October Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country wanders the streets warily and theaters slowly open, my blog is fueled by movies seen in the theater, on TV or streaming.
Unhinged (2020)
Director Derrick Borte
Rachel does a national champion spew sprint out of the car. You know the sprint…..it can apply to other looming bodily functions as well. There was time in the gym preparing for this scene. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is on a shred to muscle memory the “courtesy tap.” She does eventually perfect the courtesy tap, which, by the way, is where the movie should have ended. This was not a driving into the sunset as your ending movie.
Rating: 3 Heaves
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Directors Joel and Ethan Coen
Sometimes you can anticipate some good hurls to tell a story based on who is directing the movie. This is no exception. There is a great spew over the freeway wall, but it is the constant threat of the maniacal psychopathic killer closing in that gave me the gurgles. No matter, the suspense is real, and the barf is that icky baby barf color. Attention paid to this detail makes all the difference.
Rating: 3 Heaves
Swing Low (2019)
Director Teddy Grennan
Yikes. What is this movie? See it. Now. Horror awaits.
As for the hurl….Harper does a weird holding back the barf in her mouth that lacks commitment. Weirdly, she is VERY committed in the other activities of the movie. The effects of the barf were given attention and include gross-colored chunks on her mouth and chin.
Rating: 2 Heaves
2020 November Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country emerges with vaccine hope and theaters slowly open with limit showings, my blog is fueled by movies seen in the theater, on TV or Streaming.
First Reformed (2017)
Director Paul Schrader
Pastor Ernst Toller pukes after a day of suicide jackets, failed marriage, and the death of a child. Plus, we got a glimpse of what is happening with his urine. The future does not look bright.
Rating: 3 Heaves
99 Homes (2015)
Director Ramin Bahrani
Evicted, unemployed, and looking for redemption? One way is to flood your home with sewage for that extra mid- century modern feel. Dennis is offered the job to clean up and repair foreclosed homes. He mechanically does so with a brief visit outside to remove some of his own bile.
Rating: 2 Heaves
The Hunted (2003)
Director William Friedkin
This may be the first Tommy Lee Jones hurl and he needs a bit more time with his acting coach. Or perhaps more time around people actually puking. He ends a helicopter ride with a firm military yolk in a field. There is a slight noise, but mostly confusion. Is this instructor of military survival and combat training puking after being in a helicopter on his way to apprehend a former Delta Force operator?
Rating: Dry Heave
2020 December Movies
Ratings:
Didn’t see it coming and excellent execution = Full Spew
Makes sense and good effort = 3 Heaves
Sorta get it and good effort = 2 Heaves
Sorta get it but poorly executed = 1 Heave
Unnecessary = Dry Heave
As the country continues to negotiate social distance and theaters open with limited hours, my blog is fueled by movies seen in the theater, on TV or Streaming.
Sunshine Cleaners (2009)
Director Christine Jeffs
Norah may be unreliable, but she definitely delivers a good yolk when she rallies to help her sister clean up crime scenes. The best response came from Rose, “Great, we have to clean that up too.”
Rating: 3 Heaves
Let Him Go (2020)
Director Thomas Bezucha
This had a generous helping of beautiful landscape cinematography. Let’s take some of this energy to also show what makes us puke. Grandpa Costner had a problem with his trigger finger earlier, goes to the hospital, is treated, leaves the hospital, barfs. Syncing the barf to the digit reduction helps the feel of the story in the moment. Felt like an afterthought.
Rating: Dry Heave
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Director Emerald Fennell
This movie did not shy away from some unforgettable moments, none of which included barfing. Al lets it loose at Cassie’s sacrificial roast, but it lacks commitment and understanding of the puke. However, one can argue this fits Al’s character.
Rating: Dry Heave
Phantom Thread (2018)
Director Paul Thomas Anderson
After Alma roofies Daniel Day, he purges the gills and emerges gloriously sweaty and gross. We do not see the purge, but all is done with the intended British highbrow elegance.
Rating: 3 Heaves